Thomas lives with his mother in a small Irish town which he is convinced is being ‘stained by the bad’. Thomas believes that he has a calling to save the ‘pure white soul’ of the town. In this speech, he visits his father’s grave on his way to the shops to get biscuits for his mother. He tries to deal with his grief by talking to his father as if he were alive…
Hello, Daddy, it’s only me, Thomas. I just popped out to get the Mammy the bickies – I thought I’d check in with ya. (Slight pause.) The grave’s looking smashing, by the way! It’s the best of the lot, I’d say! Hey, what do make of the gravel map of Ireland on the drowning sea? It’s dynamite, isn’t it, Daddy?! A good joke. A-one.
THOMAS kneels down at his Daddy’s grave and lays the flowers on it.
So! Mickie-Joe-Goblin-McAllister’s been banned from the community centre for life, Daddy. A physio woman from out of town had a weekend clinic for the elderly. There was all manner of crippled people queuing down the road to avail of her healing hands. I had thought of bringing Mammy but she said she’d feel very awkward about about another woman feeling her up. Not so Mickie-Joe. Apparently he walked in, dropped his knickers, said he had a chest infection and might he have a suck of a lozenge.
A slight pause.
He’s not half as funny as he makes himself out to be. In my mind he’s just a grubby little midget with a very long name – though that can go a long way in Inishfree.
Billy Traynor got himself a new car, Daddy! Who’s to say there’s no money in shovelling S-H-I-T! He’s as proud as punch just like the fella on the Lotto ad! Hey, will ya ever forget the day ya caught him pinching the newspaper in our shop, Daddy? Ya gave him an awful hiding that day! He was in bits that night in Boyle’s! Pouring the pints inta him to ease the pain! Billy’s only an old thief anyway! Everyone knows that. No doubt he’ll be at the dance tonight, jangling those new car keys at the young girls, God help them.
I really miss ya, Daddy. But I’m doing my best with it and I bet you’d be proud of the work I’m doing about town too. It’s just funny not having the shop…and it being so quiet about the house with Mammy and me and Trixie. The swelling’s gone down after the kittens, by the way. Mammy asked me to drown three of them and keep the best one. ‘Best to drown the lot,’ I said. Being an only child is tough…being an only kitten in a town full of dogs would be a terrible curse though. It really would.