Andrew, a failed TV star, has moved into a New York apartment once inhabited by the legendary actor John Barrymore. When Andrew is offered the part of Hamlet, he wants to turn it down because he doubts his talent, but the ghost of Barrymore appears and convinces him to accept. Andrew’s virginal girlfriend Deirdre is delighted, but on opening night it is clear to critics and audience alike that Andrew is not able for the role. In this speech, Deirdre tells Andrew how she responded to his performance…

Andrew – I watched you on stage last night and I thought – he has worked so hard. He’s put his heart and soul into this, and at least partly for me. And he’s…so bad. And I thought I’d be demolished, but  – something happened. I mean, people were coughing and a plane, it just flew overhead, and there were all those mosquitoes. […] And you just kept on going! And I thought – what makes a hero? It’s just someone who tries to do what’s right, despite impossible odds. Like you playing Hamlet! You’re the bravest, noblest man I’ve ever met! […] But then I thought about how I’d put you off and how I was just a lady-in-waiting and I thought…I’m not worthy. […] So you know what I decided to do? […] I decided to drown myself! Like Ophelia, in Central Park Lake! Isn’t that perfect? (She runs to the chaise and stands on it) So I went behind the theatre and I stood on a rock and braided wildflowers into my hair! And I sang Ophelia’s bawdy song…(singing) Hey nonny nonny. Hey nonny no…no…( ) But I couldn’t jump in. I lost my nerve! […]

And I was so upset that I came back here and ran up to the roof. (She tears across the stage and runs up the stairs to the landing, […] She says with great yearning) And I stood at the edge and I gazed up at the moon! And I said, ‘Oh Mister Moon, you’re so big and round and yellow…’ […] I know. Please. I thought Deirdre, everyone’s right. Get some help.